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The Years

As the leaves fall

And the warmth fades

And you’re struggling to stand tall–

I will be here.

I will be here

Even when you tell me to go.

Even when I’m tired

Of the same ol’ things we know.

Through the fights

And the inevitable tears.

Through the changing of brand new leaves

And the rest of our years.

And I know you’ll be here too.

Through all the drama that will ensue

And the eye-rolling

that you’ll witness a time or two…

Because I’m yours

And you’re mine.

That alone makes

My entire world brightly shine.

If a time ever comes when the leaves

Don’t grow back

And I’ve lost you to the the rain,

Or rather love,

That we lack.

If a time ever comes when the weather

Wears us down,

Like the pounding of rain

eroding a rock,

And you slip away from me

As on heaven’s doors you knock–

I will be here.


“You’re none of the things you stand for.”
“You’re not nice.”
“You’re not compassionate.”

“You don’t know what kindness is.”
“You don’t know how to be a friend.”
“You do not forgive, forgive, forgive.”
“You are not who you say you are.”

And the one that somehow stung the worst–

“There’s no reason to take this personally–
I’m just telling you what I think.
You’re not as good as you say you are.”


“I can’t stick around to watch you hurt him again.
You used him.
I stayed and watched you use him.
You’re a fucking liar.
Why can’t you just
not be a whore.
I honestly don’t blame him.
I don’t blame him for not wanting you.”


I have one thing to say to you-
Screw you.
Screw you and your doubt inducing,

I latched onto your words.
I latched onto the liar
you told me I was.

I detached myself from
the person I wanted to be
to believe in something
I never even was.

I believed in the whore
you religiously wished me to be.

I was determined to hate myself
the way you hated everything
you knew I wasn’t–
But prayed cruely
that I would believe I was
so you could
rise higher than me
and watch me sink below.

But my dear–

I have grown into something that
you can only pray to someday see.

I have risen to the top of the mountain
you were trying to climb.
I fought and fought
to reach this point.
You fought and fought
not to rise,
but to grab my ankles and drag me down.

As I rest for a moment–
Waiting to catch this breath
that I’ve lost looking out
over the beauty of everything
I conquered–

As I rest for a moment–
waiting to begin the next climb–

I can only hope
that you make it this far–
To see how beautiful it can be
to let go of the things holding you down.

To rise steadily on your own,
without trying to climb over someone else.

I hope you rise
and become the person
I know you can be.

and feel
the release of a million weights
of unforgiveness
like leaves in the fall.

Update: Campaign


As many of you know, Needs4 LIFE was supposed to start the 12th of January. However, the only people who showed up were the leaders– which was fine since we had a chance to talk about what we needed to do in order to get the attention we want and need to get this thing going. It’s already been over two months since then, and I’m starting to feel like this just isn’t meant for me anymore. I’m still trying to keep going anyway– the things meant for us are sometimes the hardest things to find, or in this case, achieve. I just need to know how much interest there is in Pierre; if there’s not any then I can’t help anyone. I can’t start something when nobody besides me is interested. I need help– I want your help. Let me know if your interested by voting on the poll and commenting your interest on our group’s facebook page: Needs4 LIFE. Thanks! Now read on to get more of a feel for what this is about!

Our original idea for Needs4 LIFE was to have a hang out group where teens could come and talk and have fun without the stress of school or life on their shoulders. We wanted to create an atmosphere that was healthy and encouraging for today’s teens. Then along the way we developed a new idea to have more of a counseling group where we would talk about our feelings and watch YouTube videos and learn how to deal with our illnesses– that was never what I had in mind. (If that’s something you’d be interested in, there is already a NAMI group in Pierre associated with one of the churches. Just email me and I’ll get you more info!)

I’m looking more to start a campaign than a group. I don’t want to sit around in a circle and discuss my feelings. I want to give the opportunity to myself and my peers to be creative and to show off their God-given talents in a way that inspires and informs our community and surrounding communities. I want to be that encouraging person, and to help others become that person, that is able to inspire others to do what they love to do. I know I’m not the only one. I see on social media all the time people who are ranting about something they want to change or are passionate about– Let’s get together and spread that passion!

There are so many talented teens in this area. There are beautiful photographers, amazing artists of every kind, and gymnasts, and people so kind that my heart just swells. I want to share that with the world. But I can’t do it alone, because I am not all those things. I am not even a fraction of those things. And even if I was– I wouldn’t want it to just be me. I want to be a part of something bigger than myself. I want to spread awareness of things happening in teens lives and minds today. I want to spread hope for my generation. There’s so much negativity… I don’t know about you, but I need less of that and more of the happy stuff.

So here’s the deal–

If you are passionate about something, message me. It can literally be anything. It can be something you’re good at: singing, instrumentals, gymnastics, photography, filming, writing, acting; or something that deeply affects you: depression, anxiety, teen-life, bullying, inspiring others, motivation, ANYTHING. Or any combination there- of. Don’t ignore this. THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO MAKE A DIFFERENCE.


What makes a person extreme?
Racing a train with yards of track ahead of you?
Running towards a car moving 50 miles an hour towards you?
Jumping the gun and asking that girl to marry you?

Maybe it’s all of them
But only one of us can be the most extreme–
I have to say
It must be me.

It must be me
Because I do all of those things.
I race the train and I win.
I run towards the speeding car and flip over it with ease.
I don’t care what anyone thinks– I ask my man to marry me.

Don’t believe me?
Well I’m a writer.
I do those things daily.
I am extreme.

I have come face to face with the devil himself–
and I escaped him and his rancid breath.
I died one thousand times
and still stand before you today.

Only the most extreme could compete with that.

I am a writer.
I walk on water
and fight the world’s best heavy weight boxer.
I wake up to the love of my life dead beside me.
I sing in front of a crowd for the first time and wow them all.
I am a writer.

I have many talents.
I travel without moving out of my seat.
I create worlds that only exist in the most extreme peoples minds.
I am extreme.

I am a writer.


What even is the reason? Why should you have to take another breath when each and every one hurts? When living seems to only be a curse? When life seems to be too much to bear anymore, and nothing interests you, not even the things you used to adore? When the world seems to have turned its back on you, and none of your confidants have come through?

Because you still have many breaths inside of you, and the world needs your smile to breakthrough… to melt the hearts that have turned cold, and to free the minds that are being controlled. You are stronger and braver than you think. You’ve been on the brink of something scarier than any shallow mind will ever be able to perceive. So look up and just let yourself breathe.

Because there isn’t a time to give up. Life may be hard and maybe you don’t see anything in the future, but back up… Don’t worry about what comes next; worry about what happens in this context, right now. If your lungs burn with every breath and your legs threaten to give out, then fall to your knees and take a bow. Remember that God makes everything beautiful in time, and that he would never go against you in any sort of crime. To him you are beautiful, and wonderful, and smart, and perfectly made, and each breath you take puts a smile on his face. When your heart aches, his does too, but he can only take your pain if you allow him to. He’s done it once, he will do it again. Just talk to him in Jesus name amen.

Now close your eyes, breath in, breathe out. Feel the weight on your shoulders lighten and the darkness in your heart bailout. Now can you see…that you’re loved beyond measure and without a doubt?

Don’t stop doing it now.

Needs4 L.I.F.E.

I’m excited to announce that Needs4 LIFE is starting January 12th of 2018 from 7pm – 9pm! The leaders as of right now are Jesse Sternke, Samuel Ellis, and me. If you’re interested in helping out, feel free to stop by at Community Bible Church in Pierre, SD during one of our first few meetings! (there’s a meeting every Friday at the time stated above unless said otherwise). If you’re in the age range of 14- 19, then we would love to have you as part of the entire group!

Why should you come?

First of all, I’m going to promise you that you’ll get something life changing out of this organization/program–whether you’re a leader or a student. You’ll learn how to deal with mental illnesses yourself, and how to help out a friend as well. Plus, the entire program is confidential. You can say anything you need to, and you can find someone to confide in. The last thing we want is to lose your trust, but we will earn it. We know how it feels to count on someone totally and completely and how much it hurts for that trust to be broken. So we can promise you that we will do our very best to be what you need, whether it be just a distraction, a friend, or a confidant.

Second of all, it is going to be LIT. There will be games and possibly a few fun nights! There will be goal setting and self- improvement opportunities– because who doesn’t want to take the opportunity to become even better than they already are?! There will also be challenges and tons of YouTube videos. And those are just a few of the things you’ll be a part of.

Finally, if you’re hesitant about coming because you don’t want to share things or because you don’t know what to expect, please don’t worry! We won’t make you do anything that you don’t want to do! Just come hang out with us! We’re excited to meet you!! 😊

If you have questions feel free to message me @ 1 (605) 280- 7513 or email me:

My Mission

I’ve tried to sit down and write these past couple of days, but I haven’t been able to put anything together, so I decided just to tell you about something I’m super excited and passionate about– the one thing that keeps me going when I don’t want to anymore.

I’ve been working on creating something positive and releasing for people who struggle like I do. In fact, the first Board meeting is tomorrow evening! However, it will probably take until at least spring to put everything together. Creating an organization is a lot of work; a lot of work that I am so eager to complete.

The name of this organization is going to be Needs4 L.I.F.E.. “L.I.F.E.” stands for Love, Information, Fellowship, and Encouragement; the four basic essentials needed in order to survive and thrive. I plan to create a space for teens that is fun and supportive, and that is based around all of the above conditions, but most importantly– a space that is confidential.

Speaking from experience, it’s hard to trust people with the deep, dark things that surround a “mentally ill” person. There’s such a stigma around it that if someone talks about not wanting to live anymore, the whole world turns upside down while institutionalizing the already struggling person, in the end, making everything worse. Depression isn’t what everyone has made it out to be. I don’t think of depression as something that needs to be kept hushed or restrained, but instead, I think its similar to a lonely, homeless child sitting under a street light as cold rain seeps into his clothes; the child needs dry clothes and a warm home– he does not need pitying glances or disgusted looks as if to say that it’s his fault that he doesn’t have a home or any parents. This is why confidentiality is important. I expect people to hear me out and see where I’m coming from before they decide that I’m suicidal. If I come to you and tell you that I don’t want to live anymore, then I expect you to sit down with me, and encourage me, and tell me just how important I am. Sometimes it’s better just not to say anything at all, but whatever you do, do not leave my side or go running to get me help because then I’ll get the idea that you don’t care, even if you earlier expressed how much you really do, or that I’m even more alone in this fight than I had previously thought. Confidentiality is mostly important to me because otherwise there would be no way to convince someone that they can say whatever is in their mind without everyone around them knowing or judging. Its hard to have dark thoughts and then feel like you can’t share them. It is actually a suffocating feeling. I want to let people feel the release they need without going to extremes– like self harm. I want to end this stigma. I also want to help people find themselves again.

I plan to have meetings one or two times a week. Some meetings might just be discussions, other meetings might involve a video or a lesson, and other ones might involve a game. I just want to create something that people are comfortable and excited to go to. There’s going to be one meeting for teens and other sufferers, and then another meeting for the sufferers friends and family. It’s important that everybody understand what’s going on. However, at the meeting for the friends and family, there is still a 100% confidentiality policy. There’s no sharing things that a child had said– not even to the parents, unless they are for sure in danger.

Before I can make any of this happen of course, I have to officialize or incorporate my organization and start putting things together. On top of that, I need to come up with fundraising ideas. I have a few already, one being a GoFundMe profile (Which I got a donation of $150 from my brother <3), and the other one is a movie night. The money that is fundraised will go to Jeff Yalden so that he can come to our area as a kickoff event for my organization. Jeff Yalden is a life coach/motivational speaker who specializes in mental health. I've talked to him and researched him, and I truly believe that he would be the perfect starter for Needs4 L.I.F.E. He's definitely inspirational, and I believe that he'll change a lot of our lives for the better!

Before reading on, please, check out this video…

And then read more about him here…

I am so excited to get this going! I can’t wait to see what it becomes, and I can’t wait to see where God takes me next.

The first meeting, as mentioned above, is at 7 pm tomorrow in Pierre at the New Life church. If you’re interested in helping or have any ideas to present, you’re more than welcome! It’s not going to be a major meeting, we’re just trying to get things a little more organized in order to get this off the ground, but your help is always appreciated.

If you’d like to help out with our fundraising, you can donate to our GoFundMe page located on my About page or right here: